break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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