Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
