Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
