just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
