I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
