The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
