I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
