So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
