You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
