Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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