Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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