There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm too high and old for this...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
