So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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