I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Pants are for mortals
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
