Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
