I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
