Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
