Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
