he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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