dude i'm inner monologue high
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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