I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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