someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
