just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
