K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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