it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
