its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
