i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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