I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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