I hate your face
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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