how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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