You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
