Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
