Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
