I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
