I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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