Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
FUCK WHALES
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