She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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