i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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