she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
