mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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