I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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