Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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