Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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