I'm sorry my penis didn't work
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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