I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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