Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
