dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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