I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
