I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
