I don't usually arrange sex via text message
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
