You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
