This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
