I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nicole vs. Life
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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