I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
