Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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