How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
